FROM THE DIARY OF A PERSON IN RE-RECOVERY

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“WE ADMITTED TO GOD, TO OURSELVES AND TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THE EXACT NATURE OF OUR WRONGS:

I am pretty sure that only God knows the exact nature of my wrongs. Love is outbound; Love is Unconditional and therefore peremptorily Forgiving. This does not mean that I can avoid this step, only that I must Respect God as my Higher Power.

God as I know God is not here to do my bidding. My list of wrong doings does not reflect the exact nature of anything. This is simply a list of opinions. I choose to not lose sight of the fact that I will  never know the exact nature of anything, except perhaps when I say “Goodbye” to my comrades and “Hello” to “The Rest of Me”.

WE WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE ALL THESE DEFECTS OF CHARACTER.

Point 1: God is not my slave. I may ask; I make no demands.

Point 2: The concept of “removal” or the “destruction” of anything is a human idea of perfection and explains nothing.

Even the smallest habit is difficult (if at all possible) to correct but relatively simple to replace with something better.

Since God Loves me and Forgives me does it not follow that God’s Love heals me? Cannot God make me kind, caring and helpful to others?

Point 3: So yes, I believe that God’s Love can heal me. My character defects are a natural part of my fear-based, human self. These characteristics will remain dormant to the extent that I continue to ACCEPT God’s Love and to pass it on.

Falling into despair may open the door once again to the long forgotten narcissistic drive which brought me to my knees some years ago.  I have experienced this spontaneous rediscovery of old ideas of greed and frivolity twice in my life. I recommend such an experience to no-one.

WE HUMBLY ASKED HIM TO REMOVE OUR SHORTCOMINGS.

God, as I understand God is not destructive; God is creative.

As I accept God’s Love I have only to pass it on to all with whom I come in contact. This is I believe, is the path to sane living, especially attractive to controlling people like myself.

WE MADE A LIST OF ALL PERSONS WE HAD HARMED AND BECAME WILLING TO MAKE AMENDS TO THEM ALL.

To believe that I can to any degree, judge whom I have harmed is to ignore the invitation of humility.

Though it is important to realize that everything I do affects others, I can never know more than that. Only a Loving, All Knowing God has possession of such information. If I am to trust God then I must remind myself daily that my best judgment will always be flawed and that my willingness defines the limits of my own power.

As I approach this stepping stone in my recovery from craziness  humility will envelop me as I  accept God’s guidance through this step; the quality of my amends will redirect and improve my attitude toward others as I discover  with God’s Love, how to treat those in my life as I myself, want to be treated. There seems to be a distinct advantage in having additional opportunities for redemption.

WE MADE DIRECT AMENDS TO SUCH PEOPLE WHEREVER POSSIBLE EXCEPT WHEN TO DO SO WOULD INJURE THEM OR OTHERS.

This may be the most important step I have ever taken, though I do not believe that I am responsible for another person’s pain; such an act would quickly reveal the size and volume of my ego.

I regard this step as an act of humility, though the words I choose to describe this event may actually be the same exact words chosen by one for whom selflessness has no attraction.

If I am right about this then it stands to reason that of utmost importance at this point is our attitude.  Though the act itself be an expression of God’s Love it can be tainted by my personal biases.

Such an act must be an act of kindness. I feel compelled to proceed not only with willingness but with caution and with God as my Guide rather than One obeys my bidding.”

From the pages of the diary of a person in recovery.
Submitted by that individual who asks to remain anonymous.

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